Shadow Aspect of Family

The above picture is entitled “A little Bowl of Hope” (soulhealingart.com).  It makes me think of family, as we are all so hopeful in our families, extended and otherwise. We hope to lay down fertile roots, grow, and help one another.  There is another side to families, however, one we often label as “dysfunctional”.  Sometimes we even wear our “I came from a dysfunctional family” badges as if we deserved some honor and recognition.

Rather than the term “dysfunctional”, I came across a phrase in The Reluctant Shaman by Kay Cordell Whitaker, that captured the essence a bit more – the shadow side of family.  I have only been married one year, and it was not simply a husband-wife union. No, he has two young children from a previous marriage, and an ex-wife who moved across the street from us. 

 

At times, I have felt completely overwhelmed by these dynamics. I think it is difficult enough for women to balance career, home, family, self and it become more difficult when the children/situation is not even your making.  In Whitaker’s book, the following words spoke of my situation

You see motherhood and being a wife as never doing a thing that is just for yourself.  You have been told this is wrong, selfish.  .. you sacrifice everything for your loved ones, your self-worth, your health, strength, clarity, your very passion… YOu … tie yourself to their shadows….

That is what I had been doing – tying myself to my husband and stepchildren’s shadows – their negative (at times) way of relating to one another, handling the divorce, etc.  I had bought into this shadow aspect, which had of course brought our my own shadow side.  In the coming days, I long to see both sides, not only the darkness that is part of family life, but the sun, the light, that makes the shadows possible.

Benefits to PMS?

 

 

 

A friend recently sent me this license plate picture- apparently it’s been around for awhile.  My friend sent it along with the comment – “I would never honk at this woman in traffic!”

Of course, I can relate to the irritability associated with PMS, and one or two days of it is enough, let alone the 24-7.  Yet, whenever I hear or see these types of jokes, I think of Christine Northrup’s book – Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

 

In this work, Northrup speaks of PMS and what it can serve in a woman’s life.  Prior to and during PMS, there is a large drop in progesterone, which can affect mood stability.  Northrup’s point, and I would agree, is that although the magnitude of our response may be elevated during PMS, seldom is there no basis for our feelings.  Often in life, we bury irritutions, worries, and concerns as women so we can “get along” and “maintain the status quo”.  During PMS, we may be unable to bury these feelings as well as we normally do– and this is O.K. Usually the “slight event” which irritated us in the first place has been present for some time, and we may or may not have had the courage or strength to express ourselves.  During PMS, we may be giving voice to what needs expression.

Now, I am not condoning all out attacks or rages against others at this time, however, I have found in my own life that after keeping something inside for a month or more, it has been amazing what has come out during PMS–almost an emotionally cathartic cleansing correlating with the physical changes of menstruation.

Furthermore, as Northrup discusses, the later half of the cycle and drop in progesterone may be marked by irritability and increased sensitity. However, this is often more than balanced by the positive, high levels of estrogen at the beginning of the next cycle. At the start of each cycle, with estrogen as the supporting character, women feel on top of the world.  Others in our life benefit from this energy. As much as we are knocked for PMS, we must not overlook the strong, powerful energy we also present at different times in our cycles.