The above picture is entitled “A little Bowl of Hope” (soulhealingart.com). It makes me think of family, as we are all so hopeful in our families, extended and otherwise. We hope to lay down fertile roots, grow, and help one another. There is another side to families, however, one we often label as “dysfunctional”. Sometimes we even wear our “I came from a dysfunctional family” badges as if we deserved some honor and recognition.
Rather than the term “dysfunctional”, I came across a phrase in The Reluctant Shaman by Kay Cordell Whitaker, that captured the essence a bit more – the shadow side of family. I have only been married one year, and it was not simply a husband-wife union. No, he has two young children from a previous marriage, and an ex-wife who moved across the street from us.
At times, I have felt completely overwhelmed by these dynamics. I think it is difficult enough for women to balance career, home, family, self and it become more difficult when the children/situation is not even your making. In Whitaker’s book, the following words spoke of my situation
You see motherhood and being a wife as never doing a thing that is just for yourself. You have been told this is wrong, selfish. .. you sacrifice everything for your loved ones, your self-worth, your health, strength, clarity, your very passion… YOu … tie yourself to their shadows….
That is what I had been doing – tying myself to my husband and stepchildren’s shadows – their negative (at times) way of relating to one another, handling the divorce, etc. I had bought into this shadow aspect, which had of course brought our my own shadow side. In the coming days, I long to see both sides, not only the darkness that is part of family life, but the sun, the light, that makes the shadows possible.
Awakening to Neptune 